How To: Blow someone off and get rid of them

Is someone more interested in you than you are in them? Can't get them to go away or take the hint? Don't worry, this tutorial is here to help with tips and tricks for how to get that unwanted suitor out of your hair and avoid a remake of "Fatal Attraction".
You Will Need
• Acting skills
• Cell phone
• Common sense

Step 1: Offer no reason
Turn them down — and this is key — without offering a reason. You can't tell the truth — that you'd rather have dinner with a convict — and they'll just try to argue whatever excuse you offer.
If you already committed to a date and then changed your mind, call them at the last possible moment and claim you're "kind of not feeling great" or "got busy."

Step 2: Oppose their politics
If your firm "No, thank you" didn't work, ask them if they're a Democrat or a Republican — then pretend to be a die-hard member of the opposite party.
If they're a Democrat, say you love Ann Coulter. If they're a Republican, say you adore Hillary Clinton.

Step 3: Oppose them on everything
Repeat this contrary tactic by asking their take on as many topics as possible. Whatever their answer, roll your eyes and intone, "Wrong."

Step 4: Go deaf
Develop a sudden hearing problem. Keep asking, "What?" making them repeat everything six times. Ignore some things altogether, as if you just can't be bothered straining to hear any longer.
When you offer a response, make it a wacky non sequitur. For example, if they ask what you majored in, say, "I've been speaking in tongues since the fifth grade."

Step 5: Check your phone
Whip out your cell phone and start ignoring them as you check messages and text friends. Every once in a while, look up and laugh, as if you're making fun of them.

Step 6: Disappear
Still can't shake them? Disappear. Get away from them, don't answer your phone, don't reply to emails. Anyone who'd still be hanging in at this point is either a complete wacko or the most clueless human in the world.